30 going on 13: random thoughts.

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disclaimer: the following is a stream-of-consciousness, just-because, logorrheic post.

It’s been just over two weeks since I’ve moved forward home. I’ve been unpacking slowly and steadily. I’ve visited two churches thus far and yesterday’s sermon at the second one got my mind reeling. more on that later.

As I write this, I feel guilty for pausing from my LSAT prep — earlier today, I took inventory of the LSATs I’ve already practiced, which I’ve not yet practiced, counted the weeks ’til the test date. Yet whenever I sit down to study, I feel guilty for not writing: posts on this blog, thank you notes, letters in general, an email newsletter updating how I’ve really been since the quasi-abrupt transition.

Filed my taxes and I’m bewildered by the inverse proportion of my income to my refund, which, if I make obvious, was actually negative. I’m thankful that there were no penalties in addition to what I owed.

[Opened a tab to Facebook and news of the explosions at Boylston Street in Boston during the marathon populated my news feed. Now that is so bewildering. Why, why?]

Glad I’m around to offer feedback on brother’s cover letter.

I love being nurtured and cared for. Mom made 김치찌게 early on and Dad’s been cooking, too. His skills are solid, but we found out that one 반찬 he prepared was no bueno for my estomago. Note to self: record name of culprit plant.

I’ve yet to take the opportunity to prepare a meal for my parents but for now I’m enjoying this side “regression”. I’m also enjoying the choice not to drive to places; usually during the week, I study at Starbucks. There are two nearby, both walking distance; ironically, the one in Great Neck is much closer to me than the one in Little Neck.

Fitting in the exercise is a great excuse for me not to drive and walk instead. Having to find parking and avoiding parallel parking are also my excuses for using public transportation to get into Manhattan. I wish the LIRR had discounted monthly tickets for underemployed/not-quite-students.

I really need to break this late night sleep cycle.

I think this weekend’s trip to northern Virginia comes just at the right time. I think I’ve made my choice but the aforementioned sermon has me taking pause about making it my “final answer.” The message also reminded me of life on Springvale Road. That was a sweet season that I’m grateful that it happened and can’t be taken away.

I am excited but patiently so for this new season I’m dipping my toes into, I’m trying to enter it with as few expectations as possible save for trusting in God’s faithfulness and that though it’ll take on a different flavor of His goodness.

Anyhow. I‘ve spent more time on this postgot more distracted than I intended.

The one thing I wanted to touch on: my One Word for 2013 [drumroll]:

confluence

I’ll elaborate more post-LSAT. I’ve asked a friend to guest post here so I’m looking forward to sharing that when it’s ready, but for now, I am liberating myself from the guilt of not-blogging. I am renouncing the lie that I have to write down every thought I have rightnow.

I am beginning to make a habit of keeping a notebook handy or using Evernote on my phone to scribble down (or “capture”) the moments that surround, the thoughts that fill.

Speaking of words, thanks Jane for coordinating and everyone who populated my card box; they’ve been my heart’s reinforcement.

Ciao luego, y’all.

P.S. All four of us gathering around the table for dinner tonight: no small blessing.

P.P.S. Grateful for DVR. I never did resume studying tonight so I proceeded to watch this week’s episode of Call the Midwife. Dad appreciates the styling of the era (post WWII, London). I think I’d rather like to dress that way, too — there ought to be a way to adopt that style without it being costume-y, right? Also that show never fails to beckon me to consider a career in nurse midwifery…

P.P.P.S. And to seal the deal of the unlikelihood of me studying: watched two episodes of two Korean dramas with my parents.

a different kind of prodigal leavetaking/homecoming

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thank God for pinterest.

i’m not good at goodbyes; actually, i’m quite awful at ‘em, and i’m going to blame that on the world race.

between applying and departing for the race, a year elapsed, months full of anticipation, planning, prayer, preparation, uncertainty, and wonder at the great unknown. it took me a year to prepare to travel the world as a missionary for a year.

my life then was an inverted variation of the parable of the prodigal son. here i am today, almost five years later, living the latter part of the inverted variation of the prodigal story.

you see, a couple months ago, i resigned from the job i thought would tide me over ’til law school and my last day was friday.

in four days, i’m moving out of dc+nova back to nyc.

here’s a quasi-tangential excerpt from one of my favorite films, a few good men, written by aaron sorkin (copy+pasted from this here website):

KAFFEE [to JESSUP]:
…You were leaving for one day and you packed a bag and made three phone calls. Santiago was leaving for the rest of his life, and he hadn’t called a soul and he hadn’t packed a thing…

earlier this month, i agonized for a week in deciding to uproot myself from a place and people i had been grafted into for over a decade. unlike santiago,

  • i know i’m coming back at least twice in the next three months
  • i told a handful of folks and emailed 200+ people of the news
  • i’ve donated/lent some of my bigger ticket items and right after i publish this post, i’ll proceed with sifting through and organizing personal paperwork stuffs.

for better or worse, my departure from the dmv (dc/md/va) will feel like tearing off a bandage. the next few days: packing, laundering, with coffee/lunch/dinner dates interspersed.

i apologize to those who are just finding out through this blogpost by way of social media and are shocked by the turn of events. i myself am still reeling, even if mostly internally. i’m betting by my third or fourth day home, i’ll fully implode. i hope can channel that energy into regrouping for the lsat and applying for law school… i mean, properly grieve this beautiful season and gracefully transition into this new beautiful season.

i thought i would exit ninja-like, figuring my absence would go unnoticed for a little while so i’ve been quite amazed by the shock i was met with when told/confirmed the news with a few people at church yesterday.

i’ve been meaning to extrapolate on how i inversely identify with the parable of the younger (prodigal, lost) son but in typical world race fashion, i’ve already procrastinated the odious, tedious work of packing for longer than i’d intended — more for fear of the collateral catharsis than the task itself.

if you aren’t subscribed for my emails and would like to be, you can sign up on the bottom of the page; i’ll also send you the previously sent emails. and if i don’t see you before i move out, let’s meet during future visits.

wherein i butcher the german language while evading the $10,000 question (guest post)

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circa fall 2010. i dunno who shot this image, but i found it on the bookface.

when sal pal invited me to guest post on his blog, i immediately accepted, ’cause that’s what the cool kids do.

then he gave me a topic — community — and i froze. i didn’t finish the post until earlier this week and i attribute most of the delay to work & lsat-prep. also, i had no idea what i would say on the subject that hadn’t been said and/or match my fellow contributors’ brilliance. 

this experience reminds me when i took forensics sophomore year of high school and my teammate and i were going to debate, in modified lincoln-douglass fashion, affirmative action. at first, neither of us were keen on arguing the merits of the practice; throughout the course of researching, writing and eventually presenting our speeches, however, i changed my tune on the issue.

similarly, in proceeding to write about community regardless of how unqualified an authority i deemed myself, God revealed a nugget or two anyway. God is gracious, isn’t he? i suppose this is one of the few instance where procrastination paid off.

i mean…

what?

i hope it’s as enlightening to read as it was for me to write. without further ado:

ah, community. was ist das? on nathansalley.net