Category Archives: devotional

30 going on 13: random thoughts.

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disclaimer: the following is a stream-of-consciousness, just-because, logorrheic post.

It’s been just over two weeks since I’ve moved forward home. I’ve been unpacking slowly and steadily. I’ve visited two churches thus far and yesterday’s sermon at the second one got my mind reeling. more on that later.

As I write this, I feel guilty for pausing from my LSAT prep — earlier today, I took inventory of the LSATs I’ve already practiced, which I’ve not yet practiced, counted the weeks ’til the test date. Yet whenever I sit down to study, I feel guilty for not writing: posts on this blog, thank you notes, letters in general, an email newsletter updating how I’ve really been since the quasi-abrupt transition.

Filed my taxes and I’m bewildered by the inverse proportion of my income to my refund, which, if I make obvious, was actually negative. I’m thankful that there were no penalties in addition to what I owed.

[Opened a tab to Facebook and news of the explosions at Boylston Street in Boston during the marathon populated my news feed. Now that is so bewildering. Why, why?]

Glad I’m around to offer feedback on brother’s cover letter.

I love being nurtured and cared for. Mom made 김치찌게 early on and Dad’s been cooking, too. His skills are solid, but we found out that one 반찬 he prepared was no bueno for my estomago. Note to self: record name of culprit plant.

I’ve yet to take the opportunity to prepare a meal for my parents but for now I’m enjoying this side “regression”. I’m also enjoying the choice not to drive to places; usually during the week, I study at Starbucks. There are two nearby, both walking distance; ironically, the one in Great Neck is much closer to me than the one in Little Neck.

Fitting in the exercise is a great excuse for me not to drive and walk instead. Having to find parking and avoiding parallel parking are also my excuses for using public transportation to get into Manhattan. I wish the LIRR had discounted monthly tickets for underemployed/not-quite-students.

I really need to break this late night sleep cycle.

I think this weekend’s trip to northern Virginia comes just at the right time. I think I’ve made my choice but the aforementioned sermon has me taking pause about making it my “final answer.” The message also reminded me of life on Springvale Road. That was a sweet season that I’m grateful that it happened and can’t be taken away.

I am excited but patiently so for this new season I’m dipping my toes into, I’m trying to enter it with as few expectations as possible save for trusting in God’s faithfulness and that though it’ll take on a different flavor of His goodness.

Anyhow. I‘ve spent more time on this postgot more distracted than I intended.

The one thing I wanted to touch on: my One Word for 2013 [drumroll]:

confluence

I’ll elaborate more post-LSAT. I’ve asked a friend to guest post here so I’m looking forward to sharing that when it’s ready, but for now, I am liberating myself from the guilt of not-blogging. I am renouncing the lie that I have to write down every thought I have rightnow.

I am beginning to make a habit of keeping a notebook handy or using Evernote on my phone to scribble down (or “capture”) the moments that surround, the thoughts that fill.

Speaking of words, thanks Jane for coordinating and everyone who populated my card box; they’ve been my heart’s reinforcement.

Ciao luego, y’all.

P.S. All four of us gathering around the table for dinner tonight: no small blessing.

P.P.S. Grateful for DVR. I never did resume studying tonight so I proceeded to watch this week’s episode of Call the Midwife. Dad appreciates the styling of the era (post WWII, London). I think I’d rather like to dress that way, too — there ought to be a way to adopt that style without it being costume-y, right? Also that show never fails to beckon me to consider a career in nurse midwifery…

P.P.P.S. And to seal the deal of the unlikelihood of me studying: watched two episodes of two Korean dramas with my parents.

one word: 2012 in review

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clear.

photo by Don Graham via Flickr (Creative Commons)

it turns out that having one word set the tone for the year yielded more fruit than attempting to adhere to a litany of resolutions.

why?

primarily because it’s much easier to remember one word than lots of dos and don’ts. i couldn’t readily recall even a couple of reasons that led me to chose my 2012 word, but throughout the 365 days, in the back of my mind, i could hear this word.

sometimes it would resound loudly, sometimes it was a whisper of an echo but regardless of the volume, this word spoke to me. this word would remind and encourage me.

i wish i could say that the past 365+ days successfully matched up with this word. my room is prone to get cluttered and my answers to simple questions are convoluted still. ultimately, i’m growing increasingly uncomfortable with a certain tension: i strive to be a safe place for people to be raw & real yet i deny myself this grace to be vulnerably transparent.

then it seems this word hasn’t run its course, the resulting lack of resolution fills me with guilt. i wonder if i need to repeat this word this year rather than replace it with a new one.

but i realize that in choosing a word for the new year, i’m building upon last year’s, reminded that my life is a work in progress.

my one word for 2012 (postlude)

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melanie over at onlyabreath.com made this! so cool.

a few clarifications (punintended) of previous post:

  • clear is not the same as “clean”; especially with regard to love. i recognize that love gets messy; i mean clear in the sense that my love is obvious.
  • i wrote, “Lord, i want to spend my time clearly”, which i have interpreted as little to no multitasking. crap, i might as well say i’m going to drop 2 dress sizes.
  • clear as in transparent and direct. consider this is my advance apology for being blunt.
  • in my understanding of clear, i don’t expect complete comprehension of a situation or knowing exactly what’s ahead. rather, i seek to perceive what’s right before me, as it is, as God shows it to me. no more presumptions of where i stand with certain people, of the meaning behind vague sets of circumstances.

no more nuance, i’m over overanalysis, and i’m dieting from “what if”s this year, Jesus. i know you’re mysterious and stuff but whenever possible, please be captain obvious.

God, i need lots of grace as i keep my life clutter-free; cutting down and cleaning up have not been my forte.

and just ’cause i like this movie very much:

are we clear?

crystal.